Cuckold Journal

I just had an orgasm a few days ago, but it feels like I’ve been built up for months. Maybe because my only orgasms lately are accidents, but I find myself in subspace very easily at this time in my life.

Daisy is so hot in her role. Her confidence is intoxicating. I can’t get enough of her.

And this scares me. As I drift into more submissiveness, I feel needy. I need her attention, her direction, her voice, her touch, her presence, all of it. My mind is constantly consumed by her. I fear that it will overload her. I fear that she’ll stop finding my submissiveness attractive. I fear that she’s just patronizing me in my request for her to be more stern. I fear that I’ll annoy her and she won’t tell me. I fear a lot.

I want a lot though too. I want too much, and it drives me wild because I’m scared to express my desires because of the fear above.

That’s where you come in!  You can choose whether to read or not the following. Here’s some desires the flow through my head.

I want her to enjoy my submission.

I want her to use me as a full-time servant in and out of the bedroom.

I want to wait on her hand and foot.

I want her to hold me accountable.

I want to be put in my place.

I want to be reminded that I’m her slave.

I want to be talked down to.

I want to be expected to do all the chores - and do them well.

I want to have to work as well.

I want to be humiliated.
I want her to be mean but kind.

I want her to push my limits.

I want her to have lovers that aren’t submissive.

I want her to have a boyfriend(s)

I want to still have enough of her attention that she remembers some of the other silly wants.

I want to still be used by her in the bedroom.

I want to hold her at night.

But I also want her to not let me sleep in her bed all the time.

I want her to lock me in the closet just for her entertainment.
I want her to send me to the corner just because.

I want to be her footrest.
I want her to whip me because she had a bad day.

I want her to whip me because of her boyfriends wrongdoings.

I want her to spit on the floor and tell me to lick it up because she needs a laugh.
I want her to tell me I’m pathetic, but she still loves me.

I want her to make me clean her mom’s house once ours is done

I want her mom to know I’m her servant
I want her mom to feel comfortable giving me orders as well - servant stuff

I want to have to clean at her mom’s house while Daisy goes out on dates

I want her mom to make fun of me for being a cuckold servant

I want to go back home and find out Daisy is staying out all night.
I want her to send me pictures.
I want her to tell me she was too busy fucking to text me.
I want her to make me eat from the floor.
I want her to tell me to lick and worship her ass.

I want her to tell me to stick my nose in her shoes after work while she showers.

I want her to pee in my mouth.
I want her to pee in the toilet, not flush, and then tell me to go get a drink like a dog.

I want her to sit on my face.
I want her to tell me how much better her lovers are in all ways

I want her to tell me that I don’t get to fuck her ever again

I want to fuck her still though regularly

I want her to tell me how much she craves her lovers and not me

I want her to crave me and remind me she does but then say just kidding but not be kidding

I want her to understand my head even when I don’t

I think I just want her attention.

Yesterday was a good day. It doesn’t make sense for me to be down. The only thing I can think to do is to put my fingers to the keys and let my thoughts flow.

It started with a little confusion. Daisy had mentioned making a special breakfast for our son’s birthday all week. My duty was to cook out on the grill for the night before his birthday. I thought she’d be preparing the breakfast then.

In the meantime, in our dirty talks, I’d mentioned being willing to take over meal planning for our family, and I’ve been expressing my known desires to fully serve her in and out of the bedroom full time.

I’m thinking I’m going to have an easy morning, but then it hits me that I was supposed to prepare the special breakfast. It hadn’t full been discussed, but at the same time it was. My head gets a bit spacy the more I’m in subspace, and I don’t know that I fully process the significance of some of our conversations.

Now that’s out of the way, I think cooking is going to be expected of me from here on out.

Daisy has been busy with work, family things, and courting multiple guys through texting. I love where our relationship is at, but sometimes that has me feeling left out.

The sad part is, we’d spent the entire day together, and I was asked to pleasure her twice throughout the day. This morning when she said ‘we’d done a lot’ - it kind of stabbed into me. I felt awful for expecting more. She’s given me so much.

A lot of the feelings are my own fault. I’d been offered some off time, but in my needy/horny state of mind, I requested to be used more instead. Looking back, I think I did this with strings attached. I think I was expecting something out of it. I need to do better.

She did tell me in between falling asleep late after guests left that she was saving her mouth for John. That was exciting, but I kind of fed her the line. That part is a little disappointing. She’s enjoying the chase with other guys, and she wants to lean into the humiliation side of it, and she is definitely trying. I’m hoping someday that those lines come natural to her.

Sure, I’d love for her to give me a little attention down there. But my head will take the attention too. I’m trying to help her understand how much it does for me for her to make a degrading comment when she’s too tired or doesn’t feel like playing.

“Sorry babe, your pathetic little dick just isn’t doing it for me tonight. I’m gonna sleep so I can dream about John's big cock. Goodnight.”

Trying to role play and act as someone else has always scared the shit out of me. I’ve never really tried it before a couple months ago. Now I’m participating in it often. It’s been fun.

Daisy has a new friend, and this guy is intimidating. He’s military and has a pretty impressive job that takes him travelling often. His pictures treat him well, and his cock is rather large. She’s asked me to role play as him soon, but I’m not sure how yet. 

I’ve been playing the role of John for a few weeks now. After following along their continuous sexy text messages, I’ve learned a few ways to talk like him, and it seems to be very appealing to Daisy. He has a couple pet names that he’s used for her on multiple occasions, and I’ve tried to work them in along with a little bit of dominance. It’s been quite fun.

As we’ve continued on this cuckold journey, Daisy and I have become much closer. Another thing I’d never really done during sex is dirty talk. Now we don’t really have sex without it. She mentioned telling a guy not to talk in the past - that’s actually becoming a little more appealing. I love the dirty talk, but not being allowed to because she wants to imagine another lover would drive me a little wild.

Date nights have been a bit scarce lately because our baby sitters aren’t much available, but we did try a role playing scene - acting out a longterm friendship that finally grew into romance after she’d ‘broken up’ with her boyfriend. That was a little spicy, but felt pretty awkward. I think it’s much easier in the moment, but my confidence has grown in that area. It might be fun to try out soon.

At some point, I’m going to give some better details, but I did want to check in today. Daisy’s been talking to the new guy, Tom - a lot! She seems pretty into him, he’s much more responsive than John has been. We’ll see how that continues.

That sounds funny. “I just came” sounds right, but looks funny. I honestly had to look it up, and the dictionary uses cummed. Internet opinion seems to like came. Either way, I blew my load earlier, and I wasn’t supposed to.

My wife denies me orgasms, she’s not mean about it, she only acts mean about it. And it drives me wild. I’m the one who first brought up orgasm denial. I find that it holds me in subspace for long periods of time. After a week of not cumming - but with regular sexual play - I’m so addicted to her, it’s almost pathetic. She assures me that she enjoys the attention though, so it’s been a win-win for us.

Orgasms are great, I like them as much as the other guy, but orgasm denial carries its own kind of fun. It’s probably not meant for everyone, but as a service-oriented submissive, I truly enjoy it.

At times I’ve felt like it’s improved my stamina. We still have intercourse, but I’m just not allowed to cum and am ordered to stop before I do. The arousal created from this is pretty intense. I’ve had to clinch my eyes close, bite my lip, bite blankets, ask her to slap me and other things to try to keep my soldiers in the barracks. It doesn’t always work.

Mornings are probably the toughest. We’ve had quite a few mornings lately where we went too far, and I was just too sensitive to the sensation and didn’t stop until too late. Today wasn’t a morning session, it was a build-up from a week or two of teasing, touching, dirty-talking and more.

“Spank me harder”, Daisy told me after I’d hit her out of nowhere.

She’s not always been heavily into spanking or any kind of hitting, but lately she’s been enjoying it more and more.  At first, she put her hand down by her ass - I’d hit her decently hard - and I thought she was signaling me not to do that. But then she said to do it again but harder. That was hot.

But that wasn’t all. She wasn’t fully telling me to spank her. She was talking to John - the guy I was pretending to be. Role play has entered our sex lives lately, and my role often has been her new friend John.

She met him on a dating app, and they’ve been talking a few months - daily.  Dirty. Something dirty every day whether it’s the whole conversation or some of it. And she lets me read it. Thinking about it right now sends a stir to my crotch even though I’m currently unloaded.

I’m a cuckold. 

It still feels weird to say / type. It feels a little pathetic. But part of that is my recent orgasm. It’s still heavily arousing even now. I enjoy my wife having sex with other men. You reading this makes that feel a bit wild. But I’ve come to terms with what I enjoy.

I said other men, but to this date, it’s only been a man. Her good friend has been our only ‘bull’. But he’s not available anymore, and we’ve been slow to jump in too quickly with anyone else.

It feels weird calling Adam our bull. He fits the definition if it’s just a guy the wife fucks, but he didn’t come in dominant, and was mostly there for fun. He was fun too. But for the sake of details, I didn’t want to lead on that he was a Dom.

We’re hoping John is our next bull. Daisy and him have had a hot slow burn for a while, but meeting up has been a little trickier. Both of our schedules are busy, and we wonder if he’s serious about meeting in person or not. We’re ready for it - whatever that means.  He’s been in our bed a lot lately in our imaginations.

Anyway, my wife asked another man to spank her harder, and that made me cum, even though I’m not supposed to cum, and my wife took some in her mouth and spit it into mine.

LOL - we’re not weird, I promise!  On the outside, you’d never know. I’m hooked on it, and I’ve needed an outlet for a while. That’s where you are. Welcome to my blog!